Calibrating Paranoia
Friday, I was traveling from Sarasota, FL to Puerto Rico by driving across the state, stopping at a Trader Joe’s, buying some food to put into coolers, for my flight back to Puerto Rico that evening (which was delayed by hours, yay American Airlines, 2/2 for the year so far…). There was an interaction in the parking lot which makes me want to reflect on the appropriate level of calibrated paranoia in such incidents. This was a non-incident in retrospect, but it’s fairly representative.
(Incidentally: I remember loving Trader Joe’s, but this trip I noticed just how limited their low-carb selection really is. Trader Joe’s has always kind of sucked for produce and meat, and Costco is perfectly good for those. The frozen/processed/etc. foods are pretty carb-heavy, and shelf stable stuff like nuts is easy enough to order online. This leaves cheese, and Whole Foods is actually superior (although somewhat more expensive) for variety, and Costco superior for price/convenience (since they exist in Puerto Rico) for the specific offerings they stock. I stocked up on burrata and pepper jack, but not much else.)
At the store, it was 1730, and I was in a rush to get to my flight. Parking lot was full near TJs and otherwise empty (it was the Trader Joe’s in Pembroke Pines, FL)
I’d driven from the Gulf Coast, and didn’t really know much about the area other than “best Trader Joe’s location on the route to the airport rental car return”. Looking at the map and neighboring properties, it’s a “nice” area, but I’m used to places where “nice” and “dangerous” are fairly arbitrary and often in close proximity, so I wasn’t making any particular assumptions.
I parked my car (a really nice, new, Volvo XC60 B5 rental from National, with Texas plates) in the middle of the lot, in a mostly-empty area in front of Dick’s Sporting Goods (spit — a truly horrible company) and walked laterally across the lot toward Trader Joe’s. It was essentially an empty lot, with some activity up near Trader Joe’s and in the parking immediately in front of it, but very little elsewhere in the lot. Sunny and clear weather.
I’d like to think I generally give off “don’t approach me, I’m not interested” but also “not a particularly good target/victim, but also not likely to be an aggressor” vibes. Middle aged (sigh) white guy, slightly over median height, 50 pounds overweight (for now) but not crippled (for now), shaved head and no hat in Florida (stupid, but only out of the vehicle and in the sun for a few minutes), black work-logo polo shirt, untucked, and black Vertx jeans and some boring casual shoes. Apple Watch being the only visible jewelry (and that’s not obviously expensive anymore), phone in pocket, looking relatively alert and purposeful in walking across the lot on the yellow path above.
A (20s? early 30s?) man approached me relatively swiftly on the red path above. I saw him and made it clear I’d seen him but continued walking perpendicular to him. I was scanning for other people, vehicles, and paths (which I just do naturally in parking lots — as much due to fear of being hit by cars as anything else, but also parking lots are great places to ambush people). Didn’t see anyone, and I’d been walking for far enough and from a relatively unlikely direction that it wasn’t too likely someone was actually set up for it.
He stopped about 10-15 feet away and asked “Excuse me”. I stopped, bladed to him with strong side protected by my body from him, and knew there were 2-3 directions I could go forward which would put an empty car between me and him, so he couldn’t close the gap (even though presumably faster than me) in less than 2 seconds. “Are you registered to vote in Florida?”
Things which went through my mind: “is anyone else approaching from behind/side” “this is a very weird place in a parking lot to stop someone, since there’s not much foot traffic in this area of the lot” “wtf am I doing wrong that someone would talk to me” “did he see me get out of my car”. Essentially trying to decide “is this an ‘interview’ preparatory to an assault” or “is this some acceptable social interaction I don’t want” or “is this some situation I’d want to intervene in or positively interact with”.
“Sorry, can’t help you” with my left hand slightly raised and walked away quickly with a car between me and him; he didn’t follow. Interaction concluded; maybe I was slightly rude but well within normal social interaction among strangers and unsolicited contact.
Positive factors here were he didn’t approach any closer once I’d stopped, had hands visible and was at a relatively decent distance from me, one person vs. a group approaching, immediately ceased once I was dismissive, and didn’t follow. Negative factors were the location (he was so far from the stores, and very low traffic, and he’d walked to approach me), and that he had no obvious materials (clipboard, sign, etc.). On balance, he was >90% likely some kind of paid canvasser for some petition or voting drive, wasn’t allowed to be in front of the stores themselves, and was more willing to walk across a parking lot for a low probability interaction than I would be. It still felt “off” enough for me to be concerned — maybe more so than usual because I’d left my 365 back in office safe at client rather than dealing with checking it on my flight.
This seems like the individually-correct action in this case. I got seriously jaded living in San Francisco — living in what was essentially the ghetto (Tenderloin, 136 Taylor St, where people got shot outside a few times and a drug dealer brandished a firearm on me), working in ghetto-lite (101 Townsend, where we had homeless on the street and where we had interviewees assaulted when they came to interview onsite). If everyone were as paranoid as me in these interactions, maybe public interactions on the street would be marginally less pleasant, but fewer people would be assaulted.
I generally prioritize my personal (and friends) safety highest, liberty second (i.e. not doing anything criminal which would lead to my arrest and imprisonment), followed by economic losses and civil liability, followed by other virtues like “being regarded as a decent person by those I respect, even if I don’t know those individual people yet”, followed by “categorical imperative” (or “golden rule”). There are certainly cases where I’d accept more risk to myself to help others, or some risk to my safety to protect property, etc., but scale and probability matter. I would probably never go into a raging inferno to save a painting (without proper equipment), but would be willing to ruin my clothes to save a drowning cat or even a human child. My ethics and values are largely in keeping with the law, but I’m absolutely willing to be more assertive or even unfriendly, sooner than “mainstream consensus for accepted behavior” to prioritize safety.
If various parameters here were different, I think different levels of concern would be justified. If a young man approaches a woman in a parking lot, I’d assume that to be much more concerning; at night or inclement weather more concerning as well. An even more empty lot, or a “worse” neighborhood. Approaching someone who is obviously incapacitated in some way (managing children, or bags, or inattentive, or physically infirm) is probably worthy of more concern. A person at a fixed location with a table/clipboard, and potentially multiple people at an intersection obviously talking to all passersby, would be far less concerning. Multiple people in other contexts would be more concerning (one person interacting and others just “hanging out” and out of view). Appearing by surprise from between parked cars or otherwise “ambushing”, or starting the interaction from within a very close distance, much more concerning (and tbh if someone did that, I’d immediately create distance regardless of the other parameters.)
To some degree I wonder if people are less used to/tolerant of public interactions like these now than they were pre-Covid or pre-2020s insanity generally; I probably wouldn’t have ever enjoyed such interaction, but I think I’m probably more touchy than before. “Never appearing on a video on Active Self Protection” is pretty high on my list of life goals, though, and being aware enough to avoid interactions is one of the ways to accomplish that.